Baby Boy Giggles - Is anybody there?!

Happy Birthday Maw

When my Gran died Top Ender was quite upset and would often ask if she could call her. She knew that she couldn't really speak with my Gran, but she liked me to pretend to talk to her on her hand phone, by having me pretend to be my Gran (in my fake heavy Scottish accent) and tell her that I (as my Gran) loved her and missed her and had been watching her on my special Heaven TV.

Yeah you get to watch people on earth on your TV in Heaven. You can also watch any other TV channel that you like and there are no advert breaks; There is a channel of adverts that you liked or would of liked had you seen them. God is clever he knows how to sort things like this out.

Anyway the other week, whilst we were all in the Car, Top Ender realised that she hadn't spoken about my Gran for a while and that it would of been her birthday in a few short weeks (it would of been her 80th Birthday the day that Smallest Cousin was born) and so decided to call her on her hand phone.

"I'm going to phone Nanny Maw" said Top Ender holding her hand phone to her ear

She dialled a few buttons and waited for the connection to be made and just before she spoke we heard

"Hullo?!" in a very deep almost Scottish voice
"Hello Nanny Maw, its me...." answered Top Ender

Daddy and I looked at each other, eyes wide (and I was ready to change my under wear) before we realised that it was Baby Boy talking and Top Ender wasn't really talking to my dead Grandmother!

One Year has past

The 3rd of January is Top Enders birthday, but this year when she turned five my Gran died. Now this day has two events linked to it with conflicting emotions.

I decided that Top Enders Birthday can be a day that we remember my Gran but not her death, after all it was Top Enders day first and so should be a happy day. We will remember all the fun times that we had with my Gran and all the silly and wonderful times that we had with her but today, the day that she was admitted to Hospital after collapsing in her home is the day that we can remember that she isn't with us anymore.

Dear Maw,

One year has past since you went to hospital and I still think about you everyday, I try calling you every once in a while and realise before the phone connects through that you can't answer anymore. I don't drive past where you use to live because it is too painful to think that I can't visit you anymore.

It makes me so sad to know that you are gone and that I can't hear you anymore, but I know that now you are healed and suffer no pain. I know that you are with those we both love who have gone before us and I know that you watch over me now.

Baby Boy has learnt to walk and is so loving towards everyone around him. He reminds me a lot of you, he has your laugh. Top Ender has lost her first tooth and she thinks of you often and remembers all the good times.

I hated seeing you in the hospital and I know that you knew what was happening. Thank you for holding Baby Boy so tight when he said Goodbye and for looking at Top Ender so lovingly. I hope that all the words I couldn't say were said when I held your hand.

Don't feel sad that you aren't with us because you are. You are in our hearts and always will be.

Love

Pippa xx