Baby Boy Giggles - Is anybody there?!

Happy Birthday Maw

When my Gran died Top Ender was quite upset and would often ask if she could call her. She knew that she couldn't really speak with my Gran, but she liked me to pretend to talk to her on her hand phone, by having me pretend to be my Gran (in my fake heavy Scottish accent) and tell her that I (as my Gran) loved her and missed her and had been watching her on my special Heaven TV.

Yeah you get to watch people on earth on your TV in Heaven. You can also watch any other TV channel that you like and there are no advert breaks; There is a channel of adverts that you liked or would of liked had you seen them. God is clever he knows how to sort things like this out.

Anyway the other week, whilst we were all in the Car, Top Ender realised that she hadn't spoken about my Gran for a while and that it would of been her birthday in a few short weeks (it would of been her 80th Birthday the day that Smallest Cousin was born) and so decided to call her on her hand phone.

"I'm going to phone Nanny Maw" said Top Ender holding her hand phone to her ear

She dialled a few buttons and waited for the connection to be made and just before she spoke we heard

"Hullo?!" in a very deep almost Scottish voice
"Hello Nanny Maw, its me...." answered Top Ender

Daddy and I looked at each other, eyes wide (and I was ready to change my under wear) before we realised that it was Baby Boy talking and Top Ender wasn't really talking to my dead Grandmother!

Gone rock climbing (On the Telly and everything!)

Do you remember the blog post I did back in February about 99 things? Well I said that some of the stories were cool so here is one that is a little funny/cool!

Many Many Moons ago (fourteen years ago but Ssh!) there was a TV channel called Trouble. A lot of teenagers who had Sky TV would watch it.

I didn't have Sky TV.

I did have a great Theatre Studies class though and one day they were asked for some students to be put forward who would be willing to be in a TV Show to be shown on Trouble. It was going to be a sort of Teenager version of Blind Date called "Its in the Jeans". Instead of Cilla Black we got Ortis Deley (him that's on The Gadget Show these days) and Lucie Cave...

I did have to tweet Ortis to remember Lucy's name, but this was only because of a social faux pas of mine, that meant I will forever remember the name Ortis Deley.

You see when Ortis walked in to the room to meet all his little blind date contestants, he asked us all our names. He didn't introduce himself. Everyone knew who he was. He was famous. He was on TV. He was on Trouble, the TV channel that we were filmimg for.

I didn't know this did I though? I didn't have Sky TV did I? And so I said;

"And you are?"

I know I must of sounded like a right cow.

But I have gotten ahead of myself. Back to the Theatre Studies class and a break meeting for all the Sixth former students, where what was needed was explained to us by our very lovely Theatre Studies Teacher Linda. All those interested had their names put into a hat and then a few were pulled out and I wasn't lucky.

A few days later however one of the girls realised that if she went for the filming of her date she would miss the last day of our schools Help Week. It was a big deal for her at the time because the Sixth formers would come in wearing Fancy dress on the last day of Help Week and she had a great costume planned.

So I swapped with her, I went on her blind date on TV.

I don't remember the name of the boy that I ended up going on a date with, (so we will call him 'Ollie') I do remember that we went Rock Climbing at The Castle Climbing Centre and that it was really corny. This can be highlighted by a very clear memory of a joke I made.

I was at the bottom of a climbing wall with 'Ollie' (the boy I was on a "date" with) up the wall. I was belaying* (holding the rope tightish so that if he fell he wouldn't fall far) and got a great idea for a joke. I actually told the crew that were with me to film me for a minute, because I was sure that they wouldn't want to miss this.

I very gently tugged the rope that was attached to us both and called up to 'Ollie';

"Hey 'Ollie', guess I can say I really pulled you!"

This produced much merriment from the very bored production crew who had higher hopes than following round two teenagers on a fake date for their careers. I then had to say it again, in exactly the same tone and timbre and cadence and all the other words that mean the same thing at least ten times. The only thing was that nobody told 'Ollie' that I was going to have to do it at least ten times and the very last time that they filmed me saying it he shouted back down;

"I heard you the FIRST time!"

I think there is a swear word missing from this quote.

As you can probably guess I don't think he liked me that much and the date didn't really get much better. I mean I had a fantastic time, it was great rock climbing and abseiling but he made his feelings quite clear when he had to pretend to pick me out of a bunch of other girls from Polaroids.

"She has a nice...erm, smile."

That's what he went with. I had a nice smile. Obviously I do have a nice smile, but you know he could of said "She looks pretty" or, "She looks really fun", or "Even though she isn't my normal type I think she is hot", heck I think I would of settled for "The one with the big boobs". It was okay though as I was dating Chris (no silly mistakes here I am not mentioning his last name in case he Googles himself. I learnt from Sally at "Who's the Mummy?" little mistake the other week!!!) at the time.

At least I think I was. This might of been before we started going out... I get confused easily you know.

'Ollie' was also a Young Magician and I remember that he had either won the Young Magician of the year or was a runner up in the Young Magician of the Year, or something to do with Magicians and him. Maybe he was going to be a Young Magician of the year. He also worked in Hamleys on Saturdays selling magic kits or something similar!

Anyway as part of our date we had to sit in the cafe at The Castle and pretend to be into each other and he magically made a paper flower appear to give to me.

It was as bad as it sounds.

Still it means that I went rock climbing, and was on the telly and had a story to tell you all. I did have a video sent to me of the show, but the wrong video was sent to me and I got my friends who went to a Pottery place for her date and I never thought to call them and ask for another video at the time. So I have no proof of this. Unless Lucie or Ortis want to back me up. I am sure they remember me... and if they happen to have a video of me then maybe it should stay hidden eh?

Oh and my friends date that went to the Pottery place? Of course they acted out *that* scene from Ghost. Problem was my mate was quite a bit taller than her date and had to be Patrick whilst he was Demi...

*With thanks to Sara at Kitty Eden who told me what the proper terms for Rock Climbing were as opposed to the silly phrases I was using!

The meme that makes you all think twice about me

Over at Mediocre Mum I've been tagged in meme.... Now I don't want you thinking that just because I am doing this meme quicker than some of the others that I have been tagged in that my mind is in the gutter or that I love Mediocre Mum more than you because it just isn't true.

What is true though is that I can name five fictional characters that I would like to erm... be friends with without having to think about it. I can actually name ten. You know that game where you are allowed to have guilt free erm friendship with a list of fantasy people if they should ever come knocking at the door? Yeah, I also play the what about if you were a fictional character game too.

So in reverse order like they do in posh awards (which you can totally nominate me for if you wanted to);

5. Handy Manny and Bob The Builder

Why Handy Manny? Well not because he thinks that talking tools (No real tools like Hammers and stuff not *his* tool) is normal, or because he has a robot dog. Not because he speaks Spanish and English, can play the guitar or because he never pays for anything or is ever paid for jobs. Actually it is just to mess with Kelly who obviously has a thing for him. In fact to really mess with her I would ask Elliot (her brother) if he wanted to join us. The Tools would not be invited.

Manny in bed

And its pretty much the same story with Bob the Builder. Well he does invoice people at least (as he always has a lot of paperwork in his office) it would just really make Wendy jealous. Instead of asking her brother (does she have a brother?) I would ask Bob's twin brother Tom to join us. Again the talking machinery wouldn't be invited. Nor would Spud or Pilchard, but maybe their Dad as he is quite sweet.

4.Severus Snape and Gregory House. I have a thing for men with long hair. And for men who are magic. And for Alan Rickman look-a-likes. And for men that are mean. That is why I also like House. Also he is clever.

3. Mr Tumble. Technically I would want it to be Justin but as we can't have real people it shall have to be him. I just want to be taught how to sign rude words.

Can you sign that's the spot?

2. The Wiggles. Yes all of them. Actually not Jeff because he falls asleep all the time and getting friendly with someone who was snoring just wouldn't be fun. Oh and Captain Feathersword would be included, but Henry, Wags and Dorothy wouldn't. I can hear you all sneering, but think about it, have you seen them live? They are an energetic bunch and dead friendly and once when we went to see them Anthony was so giving me the eye.

You can't see because it is dark, but he is really looking at me with come be my friend eyes.

1. Bear from The Big Blue House.

I know I am only encouraging him by talking about him again (if you don't know what I am talking about look and see how I have a TV Stalker) but I am thinking that maybe he isn't so bad after all... I mean look at that face with the puppy dog eyes and the little grin and the fur. And he has his own house.

And he has made such an effort to follow me around, he tracks my movements during the day and then talks about me in code in his TV programme. I guess that a little reward for him wouldn't go amiss now would it!

And now here are some taggings!

Super Single Mum (how many Twilight characters are there?)
Ramblings of a Mum on the run
Cherished by me
Whos The Mummy
Snaffles Mummy

And because I am naughty and can't count Single Mummy
So rules are name Five Fictional Characters you would get friendly with and tag five people. Just don't list the actors, as that is a different meme altogether!

Top Ender Giggles - There's only one way to find out!

Top Ender was in the car with Daddy and were talking about taking lessons to learn an insturment when she is in year two.

"What would you like to learn?" asked Daddy
"Well maybe the flute, or the recorder or the Violin" answered Top Ender
"Well they are all nice!" answered Daddy
"Yes but which is better? There's only one way to find out.... Fight!" answered Top Ender

We are going to have to stop Top Ender watching TV.

Fireman Sam saved my life... well sort of.

I never knew that watching Kids TV Programmes would be so beneficial. I mean I knew that my kids learnt from them, but I didn't realise other than the five minutes of peace that it gives me that *I* would learn from them.

It all started last week when Baby Boy and I decided to give the new Fireman Sam a try. We had seen a fire engine earlier that morning and spent the rest of the morning nee nawing around the living room. Anyway the episode was about how air feeds fires and the annoying kid Norman somehow managed to learn this at the Fireman training session.

Fast forward to Sunday and the idea that instead of any other form of potatoes we have deep fried chips with our oven baked Salmon and vegetables. Daddy, Baby Boy and Top Ender were all in the living room whilst I was serving up in the Kitchen. It was just time for the first lot of chips to be taken from the fryer and as I lifted the basket out my eye was caught by a pretty orange colour under the oil.

At first I thought that it must of been a chip that had been lost through the holes in the basket, when I suddenly realised that chips in bubbling oil don't turn bright orange. At this moment time slowed down. I remember calling out "Chip Pan Fire" in a matter of fact manner and Daddy appearing at the Kitchen gate.

It was at this point that I remembered the Fireman Sam episode so I knocked the lid of the chip fryer shut as I reached round to unplug it from the socket and wonder why the plastic dial at the front was glowing so orange. Surely if the oil was on fire then it would be contained in the metal pan?

The whole chip pan was on fire!

Having shut the lid however, there wasn't any air for the fire to feed on and it soon put itself out. A look this morning shows that the bottom of the metal liner has a small hole, which was the start of the fire I think. We really were lucky to have not had any damage to the kitchen, (or me!) and I think that it was all thanks to Fireman Sam and the annoying kid Neville.

And just because I haven't been able to stop singing this since Sunday here is a YouTube video of the old Fireman Sam theme tune (you know where he seems like a pyromaniac as "He's always on the scene!")

Top Ender Giggles - You will obey

Whilst walking round Tescos Top Ender spotted some shaped bubble baths.

"Mummy!" she exclaimed
"Oh yes!" I said "Disney Fairies Bubble Bath!" as I know when I am supposed to be excited
"No! Look at this!" she giggled as she disappeared round the other side of the stand

Whilst I tried to manoeuvre the trolley round the freestanding unit Top Ender got into place bending down behind a Dalek shaped bubble bath. As soon as I appeared she said in a quite good Dalek voice;



"I am a Dalek Bubble bath and I will exterminate dirt across the Universe"

We left the store thirty minutes later still giggling!

Baby Boy Giggles - Hide and watch TV

Baby Boy and I were having a game of hide and seek in the living room. As he ran to hide behind the curtains I quickly jumped on to the sofa and huddled into a ball whilst pulling a blanket over me.

"Come and find me!" I called
"Mama?! he called back giggling as he did.

I heard an odd sound of the bean bags being moved and then the further rustle which sounded like Baby Boy sitting on the bean bag. I peeked out of the edge of the blanket and saw Baby Boy sitting on the bean bag in front of the TV with the remote in hands having figured out how to turn the TV over so he could watch cartoons.

"Baby Boy?" I said indignantly
"Boo Mama!" he giggled whilst not taking his eyes off the TV.

Top Ender Giggles - Sausage porn

Today Top Ender had been good enough to warrant a treat whilst we were doing our weekly shop.

"Can I have a Cumberland Sausage please?" asked Top Ender
"Of course you can, get a second one for Baby Boy too please" I answered

Top Ender queued dutifully and ordered the two cooked sausages from the hot deli counter.

"Can I carry them?" asked Top Ender
"It would probably be better if you put them in the trolley" I said
"They do get quite hot after a while" said Daddy.

We walked a few steps further down before Top Ender looked at the sausages in the bag, sitting in the trolley.

"They look like they are having SEX!" she said (but it seemed to echo all around)

"Top Ender you don't even know what that means, so don't say it!" I said feeling shocked
"It means they are in love" she said
"Where did you learn that?" questioned Daddy
"The Simpsons" answered Top Ender simply

"I knew it was The Simpsons. Even when it was the bears" I muttered wishing my previous ban on them had stayed in place, and realising that using a quote from The Simpsons to prove my point was probably proving a further point about watching The Simpsons...

"Guess we are banning those again then" said Daddy
"Just like when Marge bans 'Itchy and Scratchy'!" said Top Ender
"Yes, Top Ender" I said wearily wondering how long it would be this time

Top Ender Giggles - Fading for Bob

Top Ender and I were watching the Television together when an advert for The Biggest loser came on TV. Top Ender has a fascination with this programme as she enjoys the concept of word play of a loser being a winner and she has a little thing for Bob.

"The Biggest Loser? No way!" exclaimed Top Ender
"Yes, but we don't get that channel so we can't watch it I'm afraid" I said
"That's okay" she said and slid to the floor where she lay down
"Top Ender get up off the floor. Top Ender what are you doing?" I asked
"I faded. That's what people do when they get excited" she whispered
"Fainted Top Ender, people faint not fade"

Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake? Brilliant, I'll use yours too then.

The BBC had an article that girls are born with fear of dangerous animals (BBC NEWS World Americas Girls 'born with fear of spiders'). I would beg to differ you see I have a phobia about snakes. Just thinking about them makes my skin crawl and I have to draw my legs up to me just in case there is one crawling on the floor. Hang on a minute will you? I'll be right back.

Sorry I had to check that there wasn't one on the floor. There wasn't, but I am now sitting with my feet on a chair next to me just in case one was hiding from me. Right where was I? Yes that's right snake phobia.

I know when the phobia started and its my Mums fault and The BBC's. You see I wasn't always afraid of snakes. I remember touching a snake when I was about four. I remember the feel and thinking that it wasn't slimy and I didn't have a phobia then. I know I didn't because I touched the bloody thing!

It started some time in early 1986 when my sister and I were watching The Really Wild show. It was a new programme and everyone watched it. A snake came on the screen and I think Terry Nutkins was telling us about it.

"Mum! Mum!" I shouted
"What?" she shouted back from the kitchen (where she was making dinner)
"There's a snake!" I shouted
My Mum ran full pelt into the living room with a knife in hand (See Bear, it runs in the family!)
"Where?" she almost growled ready to protect her two daughters from the snake
"T-t-the Telly!" I whimpered worried that my Mum was going to hack at the telly... or me

I don't remember what happened after this. I assume that my Mum went back to the kitchen to carry on preparing the evening meal, but I do know that it was this incident that made me associate snakes and danger (A big bloody knife does that to you!).

Now I can't watch films when snakes are in it (Harry Potter was a nightmare, he can bloody talk to them!) without watching from behind my fingers and I can't put my feet in the bottom quarter of my bed, because everybody knows that's where the snakes are hiding.

I can't go in to reptile houses (But I did twice when Top Ender was little as I didn't want her to think I was scared as I didn't want her to be scared, but I stood near the door and cringed and when Daddy thought he would be funny and tapped me on the shoulder, well lets just say that also may of been part of the reason we didn't have Baby Boy for so long after Top Ender!). I can't walk near long grass, just in case there is a grass snake laying in wait. I can't sit down on the toilet in the dark, as a water snake might bite my bum.

I can't walk past the house where the man who has a snake lives, because it might get out and eat me. Its a big snake. I haven't seen it, but I know its a big one and it would eat me whole. And whilst we are on the subject does every town have a man who has a big snake? (That sounds rude doesn't it?) has anyone actually seen his snake? (That sounds rude too doesn't it?) and can anyone verify its size? (Its okay I'll stop now)

A lad at my last job tried to convince me that I was afraid of snakes because I was religious and had an indoctrinated fear of evil and snakes due to The Garden of Eden Story. Being LDS that just doesn't wash however.

I know that its the fault of Terry Nutkins, the BBC and my Mum.

Top Ender Giggles - I know what it looks like...

This other morning before anyone other than Baby Boy and I were up, I started to watch a TV programme that I had recorded from the night before (Private Practice if you must know!).

There was a scene that was a little adult for Top Ender, who just happened to walk in to the living room right at that moment.

I stopped the programme and hurriedly turned the channels to a Radio Station when she said,

"You don't have to stop it I know he is going to take off his pants and I have seen Daddy's bottom already"

Baby Boy Giggles - Hauntingly Funny

Yesterday Baby Boy and I were having a quiet afternoon when Baby Boy decided to go and get his coat.

He put it over his head and started to walk towards me making a curious sound

"Ooooh oooooh!" he sang

At this point I realised that he has been watching too much Scooby Doo with Top Ender and understand that he is being a ghost, so I pretend to be frightened

"Oh my a ghost coming to get me, where shall I hide?!" I said in mock terror
"Oooh oooh!" sand Baby Boy

It was at this point that he lost direction and started to walk away from me and towards the TV unit, where he walked straight into it and bounced backwards landing in a heap just in front of it. I know I shouldn't but it was so funny I could help but laugh.

(Baby Boy searched for the edge of his coat and when located it, popped his head out, smiled at me and started to giggle too! No injuries honest!)

Baby Boy Giggles - Bilinguial by Television

Today Baby Boy and I were watching Handy Manny.

"Mama?" asked Baby Boy
"Yes Baby Boy?" I answered
"¡Hola Mama!" he exclaimed
"¡Hola Baby Boy!" I replied
"Mama!" he laughed

Top Ender Giggles - All I want in life

"What film are we watching this week Mummy?" asked Top Ender
"High School Musical 2, is the one showing on Disney Channel" I answered
"High School Musical 2? Wow! If we had pasta for tea, I could die happy!" said Top Ender


Lets hope it doesn't come to that shall we

Top Ender takes control

Top Ender was very annoyed with Daddy she started telling him off whilst leading Baby Boy away from the TV.

"Daddy! You shouldn't let Baby Boy stand so close to the TV!" Exclaimed Top Ender
"Pardon Top Ender?" queried Daddy
"I don't want him to be close to the TV as it might hurt his eyes!"

Top Ender Giggles - Age is all in the mind!

Top Ender brought me the phone today.

"There is an advert about people left over from the olden days, and you just have to dial 454545 and you get a free gift when you join"
"What Top Ender?"
"There is an advert about people left over from the olden days and you should join"
"Top Ender, do you mean the advert about planning for your funeral and the people that haven't died won't have to worry?"
"Yes that one, you should join you get a free gift"
"Top Ender, I'm not old enough to join that"
"But you get a free gift!"

Top Ender Giggles - But its free!

Top Ender was just watching TV when an advert came on asking for people to adopt Orangutans.

"I am not adopting an Orangutan!" she said defiantly
"Why not Top Ender?"
"Because, I don't want one messing up my stuff!"
"It wouldn't come and live with us you know..."
"Oh! Well we should then as you get a free toy."

Top Ender Giggles - Sage advice

Last night I took Baby Boy up to have his last feed of the night (well before I went to sleep!) and for me to get ready for bed too. Top Ender was downstairs with Daddy watching a cartoon before it was time for her to go to bed. Suddenly she appeared in the bedroom to announce;

"You should do something that you don't do"
Thinking that she meant something like not tell her off I half heartedly said "Whats that?"
"Dye your hair... It would make it glossy and shiny!"